That is all...I'm going to bed. :-)
Monday, October 26, 2009
Growth, Love, Excitement, Desire, Anticipation...
This past weekend I went to Frankenmuth with my mom, my sister, my niece, and my sis's friend from Virginia. We had a BLAST. Saw some pretty things, too!!! We also went to Zhender's for lunch. I had a Michigan Cherry salad with chicken, and a bowl of Zhender's noodle soup...YUMMY!!! I love their noodle soup...it's just so tasty! When we were done with lunch, we wandered around the gift shop and I found this absolutely adorable and beautiful gray wool coat that I wanted really bad...but it was $176. Once we left the gift shop (sans coat...), we headed to the fudge store, and I came home with 1/2 pound of peanut butter chocolate fudge instead. :-)
Yesterday, Michael and I worked on getting the guest bedroom and nursery "around" after I put my laundry away. The guest bedroom is all but done. There is still a bookcase in the nursery that has to go into the guest bedroom, but once I go through that, and it gets moved...the guest bedroom is done! Then...it's up to me to tackle my stuff that is still in the nursery. It's all good though, cause at least there's room in there for a crib and a rocking chair now! The only bad part about yesterday? I started getting a splitting headache...again...around 4 or 5:00.
After all of that was done, I was sitting on the couch and Michael was sitting on the...um...comfy chair, and he looked at me...just smiling. Of course I said "...what?" and he said "You look all...motherly!" I chuckled and he went on with "You know, your bump is showing, and you just look...motherly." It was pretty cute to me! :-) So, having said that...it brings me to my next thing. I took my 18 week picture yesterday, and there was only a little bit of a change to my belly. I know it's coming though! I'm probably going to wake up one day and look in the mirror and say "Holy crap!!! Where did THAT come from?!?!?" LOL It's all good...my lease is up, and the baby is subletting. Pretty soon it will take over my body, and eventually, my life! Yay! I can't wait...I already love this baby so much more than I ever thought was possible... We have 2 boy names and 2 girl names picked out already...we've had them for about two years actually!
Feeling the movements is such a reassurance too. I'm at the point in the pregnancy that symptoms are few and far between if there are any, and since the bump is just a bump right now, there's no way for me to know that everything is ok in there unless I call the doctor and ask for an ultrasound. Well, I'm not going to do that because it would probably cost extra...and believe me, they're not cheap!!! I've seen the insurance submissions! So feeling a little a little poke or prod here and there, or a flutter on occasion, helps set my mind at ease that the lil bean is still alive and well. Pretty soon though, I'll be able to distinguish between a kick, an elbow, a head...you name it. And then...Michael won't have to be jealous that I'm feeling the baby and he can't. :-)
Anyways...that is all...
Yesterday, Michael and I worked on getting the guest bedroom and nursery "around" after I put my laundry away. The guest bedroom is all but done. There is still a bookcase in the nursery that has to go into the guest bedroom, but once I go through that, and it gets moved...the guest bedroom is done! Then...it's up to me to tackle my stuff that is still in the nursery. It's all good though, cause at least there's room in there for a crib and a rocking chair now! The only bad part about yesterday? I started getting a splitting headache...again...around 4 or 5:00.
After all of that was done, I was sitting on the couch and Michael was sitting on the...um...comfy chair, and he looked at me...just smiling. Of course I said "...what?" and he said "You look all...motherly!" I chuckled and he went on with "You know, your bump is showing, and you just look...motherly." It was pretty cute to me! :-) So, having said that...it brings me to my next thing. I took my 18 week picture yesterday, and there was only a little bit of a change to my belly. I know it's coming though! I'm probably going to wake up one day and look in the mirror and say "Holy crap!!! Where did THAT come from?!?!?" LOL It's all good...my lease is up, and the baby is subletting. Pretty soon it will take over my body, and eventually, my life! Yay! I can't wait...I already love this baby so much more than I ever thought was possible... We have 2 boy names and 2 girl names picked out already...we've had them for about two years actually!
Feeling the movements is such a reassurance too. I'm at the point in the pregnancy that symptoms are few and far between if there are any, and since the bump is just a bump right now, there's no way for me to know that everything is ok in there unless I call the doctor and ask for an ultrasound. Well, I'm not going to do that because it would probably cost extra...and believe me, they're not cheap!!! I've seen the insurance submissions! So feeling a little a little poke or prod here and there, or a flutter on occasion, helps set my mind at ease that the lil bean is still alive and well. Pretty soon though, I'll be able to distinguish between a kick, an elbow, a head...you name it. And then...Michael won't have to be jealous that I'm feeling the baby and he can't. :-)
Anyways...that is all...
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
So done....
I am so sick of feeling like I'm being walked on, taken advantage of, not being appreciated, and over all, tired of dealing with the drama.
My husband has been laid off since before the wedding in May, only working a couple of days a week here and there. NOTHING solid yet. So, basically, I'm the sole breadwinner in our house right now, aside from him getting unemployment. I thank the Lord for that because I don't know where we would be right now if we had to live just on my income. It's stressful though. I've been on the verge of tears all day at least 3 of the last 5 days, and it's driving me crazy. I hate feeling like I'm lost...like I've been deserted...like no one cares. I know, I know...people do care about me, but that's what it feels like to me. Michael is trying to find a job...has been since he got laid off. I keep praying that he will get one, but right now it just doesn't look good.
I don't know how much longer I can take this. I get up, go to work, and by the time I get home, I just don't want to do anything...ever. I force myself to be involved with a few things, but I'd almost much rather just sit on the couch and cry. I just want to be able to enjoy my pregnancy, and at the rate things are going, I just cant...there's too much stress right now, and that freaks me out too! Not good for the baby...
God give me strength...I'm afraid I might break...
My husband has been laid off since before the wedding in May, only working a couple of days a week here and there. NOTHING solid yet. So, basically, I'm the sole breadwinner in our house right now, aside from him getting unemployment. I thank the Lord for that because I don't know where we would be right now if we had to live just on my income. It's stressful though. I've been on the verge of tears all day at least 3 of the last 5 days, and it's driving me crazy. I hate feeling like I'm lost...like I've been deserted...like no one cares. I know, I know...people do care about me, but that's what it feels like to me. Michael is trying to find a job...has been since he got laid off. I keep praying that he will get one, but right now it just doesn't look good.
I don't know how much longer I can take this. I get up, go to work, and by the time I get home, I just don't want to do anything...ever. I force myself to be involved with a few things, but I'd almost much rather just sit on the couch and cry. I just want to be able to enjoy my pregnancy, and at the rate things are going, I just cant...there's too much stress right now, and that freaks me out too! Not good for the baby...
God give me strength...I'm afraid I might break...
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Pumpkin Family!
So, we got our pumpkins the other day, and colored them! We'll carve them a couple of days before Halloween. Love 'em! :-)
Before...
After...
Before...
After...
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Making progress!
Not on the baby blanket...but on the baby!!! We had an appointment yesterday, got to hear the heartbeat again, got weighed, peed in a cup, and the belly was measured. Everything seems to be going WONDERFULLY!!! I can't believe I'm almost 16 weeks pregnant already. Time is flying by! While we were at the doc's appointment, I managed to record a little bit of lil beans heartbeat, but I can't get it off of my phone :-( Oh well, I'll use my mp3 player next time maybe. I must say...Michael was so cute! We were listening to that wonderful 'woosh woosh woosh' on the doppler for about two whole seconds when static completely took over. We looked at each other and the doc said "the static is from the baby moving". His whole face just lit up!!! After all the static settled, we could barely hear the heartbeat anymore. It's like the baby was saying "I'm OUTTA here if you're going to be pushing on MY house with that thing!" LOL I had a few questions for the doctor also. One of them was in regards to my weight. I couldn't remember what I weighed at my first visit, and I was curious how much I've gained. He informed me that I originally weighed in at 136 (gulp...I was about 127 at the wedding!!! LOL), and yesterday, I was 139. So, apparently, I've gained a whopping 3 pounds in the last 15 weeks. I can deal with that, but I'm going to have to pick it up at some point!
Anyways...here are a couple of pictures so y'all can see my progress...I no longer feel like I'm just getting fat. I actually feel like I have a baby bump!
Me at 8 weeks...
Me at 15 weeks and 1 day...
:-)
Time to get back to work...
Anyways...here are a couple of pictures so y'all can see my progress...I no longer feel like I'm just getting fat. I actually feel like I have a baby bump!
Me at 8 weeks...
Me at 15 weeks and 1 day...
:-)
Time to get back to work...
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Can I Just Say...
First off, I feel completely, totally, and utterly blessed to be carrying this baby...and to be dealing with all of the "bad" things that go along with it...but...
I am SO SICK of saltine crackers!!! Oh my goodness. They're about the only thing that I have handy that helps with the occasional nausea (those and water)...and I've gone through an entire box in the last month. I'm really hoping I'm not one of the select few women that actually have to endure "morning sickness" throughout the entire pregnancy. I don't know how many more of these crackers I can eat!!! I'm going to try Ritz, Triscuits, and Wheat Thins for a bit of variety. Hopefully they'll work just as well. Each time it hits me, I just remind myself that it's all for a GREAT reason, which I will be holding in my arms in the next 179 days!
Another thing...the hiccups...and 2 for 1 sneezes!!! Oh my goodness...at our last prenatal appointment, my hubby was sitting across from me when I hiccuped. He got an "uh-oh!" look on his face like he thought I was about to throw up. It was funny! Then my doc piped up and said "don't worry, it's totally pregnancy related". LOL Now...probably about half of the time when I eat, I hiccup 4 or 5 times afterwords, and I just chuckle and say "what are you doing in there bean?" As for the sneezes..................oh my. I barely get one sneeze out, and the other is right there!!! I barely have enough time to catch my breath! LOL It's all good though. I'm used to it now, and I just chuckle!
I'm also very excited about this Friday!!! I'm participating in the Light the Night Walk. It's a 2 mile walk put on by the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. It's an evening to pay tribute and bring hope to thousands of people battling blood cancers and to commemorate loved ones lost. I tried to do the Breast Cancer 3-Day in 2007, but was about $500 shy of the $2,200 minimum required funds to walk. I was so disappointed, and couldn't afford to foot the extra money even if I did get the extra donations. This walk only requires $100 minimum, and I'm already up to $250 in just 3 days!!! I can't wait!!!
Anyways, lunch is over...back to the grind!!!
I am SO SICK of saltine crackers!!! Oh my goodness. They're about the only thing that I have handy that helps with the occasional nausea (those and water)...and I've gone through an entire box in the last month. I'm really hoping I'm not one of the select few women that actually have to endure "morning sickness" throughout the entire pregnancy. I don't know how many more of these crackers I can eat!!! I'm going to try Ritz, Triscuits, and Wheat Thins for a bit of variety. Hopefully they'll work just as well. Each time it hits me, I just remind myself that it's all for a GREAT reason, which I will be holding in my arms in the next 179 days!
Another thing...the hiccups...and 2 for 1 sneezes!!! Oh my goodness...at our last prenatal appointment, my hubby was sitting across from me when I hiccuped. He got an "uh-oh!" look on his face like he thought I was about to throw up. It was funny! Then my doc piped up and said "don't worry, it's totally pregnancy related". LOL Now...probably about half of the time when I eat, I hiccup 4 or 5 times afterwords, and I just chuckle and say "what are you doing in there bean?" As for the sneezes..................oh my. I barely get one sneeze out, and the other is right there!!! I barely have enough time to catch my breath! LOL It's all good though. I'm used to it now, and I just chuckle!
I'm also very excited about this Friday!!! I'm participating in the Light the Night Walk. It's a 2 mile walk put on by the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. It's an evening to pay tribute and bring hope to thousands of people battling blood cancers and to commemorate loved ones lost. I tried to do the Breast Cancer 3-Day in 2007, but was about $500 shy of the $2,200 minimum required funds to walk. I was so disappointed, and couldn't afford to foot the extra money even if I did get the extra donations. This walk only requires $100 minimum, and I'm already up to $250 in just 3 days!!! I can't wait!!!
Anyways, lunch is over...back to the grind!!!
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Dear Anon.
There are a few anonymous posters on my blog, but I'm sure you know who I'm talking about. Now, I have a few questions for you:
Why will you not tell me who you are? Why will you not even tell me if you're a guy or a girl? Or where I know you from? If I turn comment moderation, I won't post your answers to these questions, I'm just curious for my own sake.
Honestly, at first I thought it was kind of neat, secret admirer type of neat...I believe I said I was intrigued at one point, but now...I'm seriously kind of starting to get freaked out, and so are some of my followers. You obviously know me from somewhere...but you refuse to tell me where, when, how, whatever! How do I know you're not just getting some sick enjoyment out of it? You had to have been at my wedding reception site, because we didn't get your card in the mail. That's kind of creepy. I do appreciate it, and I thought I had you pegged until we got that card. Actually, I think I still have a pretty good idea of whom you might be...but I want to know for sure. What would you do? How would you feel? How would your spouse/significant other (if you have one) feel if someone was commenting on YOUR blog (again...if you have one) anonymously and sending cards to you? I know that some of my readers are kind of creeped out...and I'm heading there myself. I'm pregnant, hormonal, and am in no state to be stressed out about this. If you're willing to "out" yourself, like I said - I will NOT post your answers...just simply respond with "Yes" in a comment, I'll turn moderation on, and no one else will see your comments...please.
Thank you.
Why will you not tell me who you are? Why will you not even tell me if you're a guy or a girl? Or where I know you from? If I turn comment moderation, I won't post your answers to these questions, I'm just curious for my own sake.
Honestly, at first I thought it was kind of neat, secret admirer type of neat...I believe I said I was intrigued at one point, but now...I'm seriously kind of starting to get freaked out, and so are some of my followers. You obviously know me from somewhere...but you refuse to tell me where, when, how, whatever! How do I know you're not just getting some sick enjoyment out of it? You had to have been at my wedding reception site, because we didn't get your card in the mail. That's kind of creepy. I do appreciate it, and I thought I had you pegged until we got that card. Actually, I think I still have a pretty good idea of whom you might be...but I want to know for sure. What would you do? How would you feel? How would your spouse/significant other (if you have one) feel if someone was commenting on YOUR blog (again...if you have one) anonymously and sending cards to you? I know that some of my readers are kind of creeped out...and I'm heading there myself. I'm pregnant, hormonal, and am in no state to be stressed out about this. If you're willing to "out" yourself, like I said - I will NOT post your answers...just simply respond with "Yes" in a comment, I'll turn moderation on, and no one else will see your comments...please.
Thank you.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
The Latest Project...
So, I recently started working on a blanket for my new baby-to-be. I bought the yarn last Thursday and started working on the project on our way to Kinde for the Polka Fest. I was a little intimidated by it at first because it looked relatively intricate...and it's been quite a while since I've actually picked my hooks up. Well, it's quite a bit easier (at this point) than I thought it would be! Yay me! LOL
Here are a few pics...
What the completed project will look like, but with neutral colors because we won't be finding out what we're having.
The 3 completed squares. 4th will be done shortly, just needs the final edging... Only 45 to go after that!!!
A close up of what each square looks like.
Once the 4th white square is done, I will have 5 more to make in white, then 16 in cream, and 24 in green! I can't wait until it's done!!! It will officially my 3rd finished project. My first one was a blanket for my former boss' baby boy, second was a hunter orange scarf for a family Thanksmas grab bag gift, and then there will be this one! I'm excited :-)
Anyhoo...off to work on the blankie :-)
Here are a few pics...
What the completed project will look like, but with neutral colors because we won't be finding out what we're having.
The 3 completed squares. 4th will be done shortly, just needs the final edging... Only 45 to go after that!!!
A close up of what each square looks like.
Once the 4th white square is done, I will have 5 more to make in white, then 16 in cream, and 24 in green! I can't wait until it's done!!! It will officially my 3rd finished project. My first one was a blanket for my former boss' baby boy, second was a hunter orange scarf for a family Thanksmas grab bag gift, and then there will be this one! I'm excited :-)
Anyhoo...off to work on the blankie :-)
Thursday, September 17, 2009
The Pitty Pitty Patter of Little Bitty Feet!!!
Yes, that is my baby!!! I'm so stinking excited! It was so neat to see her/him wiggling around and moving like crazy!:-)
God has truly blessed me and my hubby!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
New picture :-)
You'll have to excuse the quality...I haven't had a chance to scan it yet, it's just a picture of a picture. This is Adam and me at the RCIA dinner on December 16th 2008. I've also added it toAdam's Story in the appropriate area. Today, his baby niece was baptized, and I know he was with the family watching over them! :-)
Friday, September 11, 2009
Never Forget
Today marks the 8 year anniversary of the attacks on September 11. It was a very sad day then, and still is now. Many people lost their lives, many lost loved ones...we lost part of our country.
My sister was supposed to fly that day. She almost bought tickets for the flight that went down in PA. Thank God she didn't buy those tickets. She had just announced her pregnancy a few days before. She wound up purchasing a different flight. I can't even imagine our lives without her and my niece...there would be a huge void. Now, her daughter is almost 7 1/2, and my sister stood up in my wedding in May. IF she would have been on that plane, there would have been a spot left open for her in the bridal party. I know one thing is for sure. I would not be working on 9/11 if I had lost my sister that day. Or if we had lost any family member because of the events from that day.
God bless the families, the friends and loved ones of all that were involved in whatever way.
My sister was supposed to fly that day. She almost bought tickets for the flight that went down in PA. Thank God she didn't buy those tickets. She had just announced her pregnancy a few days before. She wound up purchasing a different flight. I can't even imagine our lives without her and my niece...there would be a huge void. Now, her daughter is almost 7 1/2, and my sister stood up in my wedding in May. IF she would have been on that plane, there would have been a spot left open for her in the bridal party. I know one thing is for sure. I would not be working on 9/11 if I had lost my sister that day. Or if we had lost any family member because of the events from that day.
God bless the families, the friends and loved ones of all that were involved in whatever way.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
Happy Labor Day!
Well today is day 3 of the 3 day weekend. I haven't done much of ANYTHING today. We've been watching the Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon and Ghost Hunters all day, I've done 2 loads of laundry, and read a little bit. Heck, I'm still in my jammies! Now, we're flipping between TV shows, and I'm watching the rain come down from the front window. The weather this weekend was wonderful. I don't think anyone could have asked for better!
Last night, my girlfriend Krystin and her fiance came over for dinner. We had a pretty good time! Girl talk, I tried on my bridesmaid dress so she could see what it looked like, and the guys played 3 or 4 games of washers. :-) There were pictures looked at, and ice cream 'sundaes' after dinner. Over all, great night!
I've been thoroughly enjoying some lazy time though. Now I just need to put my clean clothes away and go to bed! LOL I've also come to the conclusion that I'm going to stop the quotes on every post. If there's something that really strikes me, I'll post it. But, sometimes it takes me as long to find a quote as it takes me to type out an entire blog post!
Anyhoo...just a quick update. Hope you had a great weekend!
Last night, my girlfriend Krystin and her fiance came over for dinner. We had a pretty good time! Girl talk, I tried on my bridesmaid dress so she could see what it looked like, and the guys played 3 or 4 games of washers. :-) There were pictures looked at, and ice cream 'sundaes' after dinner. Over all, great night!
I've been thoroughly enjoying some lazy time though. Now I just need to put my clean clothes away and go to bed! LOL I've also come to the conclusion that I'm going to stop the quotes on every post. If there's something that really strikes me, I'll post it. But, sometimes it takes me as long to find a quote as it takes me to type out an entire blog post!
Anyhoo...just a quick update. Hope you had a great weekend!
Friday, September 4, 2009
3 day weekends ROCK
Ok, I'll admit...sometimes I miss the random shifts of retail...open one day, close the next, mid, then open...but I love...LOVE my Monday through Friday 9-5 job. Especially because of the company I work for, and the fact that it is so completely and totally family oriented. The first 2 years we got the whole week between Christmas and New Year's off, we get the 4th of July, Labor Day, Thanksgiving, early Fridays sometimes on a holiday weekend (like today)...among other things! It's SO GREAT!!!
Well, today, my honey and I went to Olive Garden for dinner (YUM), and now, I'm sitting here baking like a maniac! Devil's Food mini-cupcakes! mmmmmmmmmm They're for the family get together for my brother-in-law tomorrow. He was overseas for quite a while, and quite a bit of family is going to be there I hope! The BIL is leaving again on Monday so I have to take advantage of this time with him.
Hopefully sometime this weekend, my book and I will be able to cozy up...maybe out on the back deck with a little music or something...or maybe just me, my book, and the sunshine. Who knows...we'll see! All I know is that I get 3 glorious days to enjoy a little bit of "me" time...and the man will probably be playing his Medal of Honor games quite a bit...hehee
Well, good night blog world! Maybe I will have an update tomorrow as well after the party!
"The man who doesn't relax and hoot a few hoots voluntarily, now and then, is in great danger of hooting hoots and standing on his head for the edification of the pathologist and trained nurse, a little later on."
-Elbert Hubbard
Well, today, my honey and I went to Olive Garden for dinner (YUM), and now, I'm sitting here baking like a maniac! Devil's Food mini-cupcakes! mmmmmmmmmm They're for the family get together for my brother-in-law tomorrow. He was overseas for quite a while, and quite a bit of family is going to be there I hope! The BIL is leaving again on Monday so I have to take advantage of this time with him.
Hopefully sometime this weekend, my book and I will be able to cozy up...maybe out on the back deck with a little music or something...or maybe just me, my book, and the sunshine. Who knows...we'll see! All I know is that I get 3 glorious days to enjoy a little bit of "me" time...and the man will probably be playing his Medal of Honor games quite a bit...hehee
Well, good night blog world! Maybe I will have an update tomorrow as well after the party!
"The man who doesn't relax and hoot a few hoots voluntarily, now and then, is in great danger of hooting hoots and standing on his head for the edification of the pathologist and trained nurse, a little later on."
-Elbert Hubbard
Cool...
Saw these snazzy signatures on a few of the blogs that I follow, and I figured I would make one of my own. :-)
Sunday, August 30, 2009
He speaks
So, I've been having a bit of a rough go the last few weeks...to say the least! I feel slightly better now, but still not completely "out of the woods" so-to-speak. Well, the hubby and I were at church this morning, and we sang "The Summons" while the Eucharist was being prepared. We've sung it in church before, but today...it really hit me...HARD, and actually brought tears to my eyes...happy tears, but tears no less! I simply mouthed the words to 2 verses because I couldn't sing!!! Lyrics found here.
The Summons
1. Will you come and follow me if I but call your name?
Will you go where you don't know and never be the same?
Will you let my love be shown? Will you let my name be known,
will you let my life be grown in you and you in me?
2. Will you leave yourself behind if I but call your name?
Will you care for cruel and kind and never be the same?
Will you risk the hostile stare should your life attract or scare?
Will you let me answer prayer in you and you in me?
3. Will you let the blinded see if I but call your name?
Will you set the prisoners free and never be the same?
Will you kiss the leper clean and do such as this unseen,
and admit to what I mean in you and you in me?
4. Will you love the "you" you hide if I but call your name?
Will you quell the fear inside and never be the same?
Will you use the faith you've found to reshape the world around,
through my sight and touch and sound in you and you in me?
5. Lord your summons echoes true when you but call my name.
Let me turn and follow you and never be the same.
In Your company I'll go where Your love and footsteps show.
Thus I'll move and live and grow in you and you in me.
There are a few hymns that really get to me. I guess this one will be added to the list :-)
~Peanut
"Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy."
-Robert Anthony
The Summons
1. Will you come and follow me if I but call your name?
Will you go where you don't know and never be the same?
Will you let my love be shown? Will you let my name be known,
will you let my life be grown in you and you in me?
2. Will you leave yourself behind if I but call your name?
Will you care for cruel and kind and never be the same?
Will you risk the hostile stare should your life attract or scare?
Will you let me answer prayer in you and you in me?
3. Will you let the blinded see if I but call your name?
Will you set the prisoners free and never be the same?
Will you kiss the leper clean and do such as this unseen,
and admit to what I mean in you and you in me?
4. Will you love the "you" you hide if I but call your name?
Will you quell the fear inside and never be the same?
Will you use the faith you've found to reshape the world around,
through my sight and touch and sound in you and you in me?
5. Lord your summons echoes true when you but call my name.
Let me turn and follow you and never be the same.
In Your company I'll go where Your love and footsteps show.
Thus I'll move and live and grow in you and you in me.
There are a few hymns that really get to me. I guess this one will be added to the list :-)
~Peanut
"Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy."
-Robert Anthony
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
STRESSED!!!
UGH!!! That's about all I feel like saying right now...found this little ditty here...it helped! :-)
Dear Lord,
I need you now because I am full of stress and anxiety. Reading your Word brings comfort, as I ask you to come and take my heavy burdens. I take each burden, one by one, and lay them at your feet. Please carry them for me so that I don't have to. Replace them with your humble and gentle yoke so that I will find rest for my soul today. I receive your gift of peace of mind and heart. Thank you that I can lie down tonight in peace and sleep. I know that you, Lord, will keep me safe. I am not afraid because you are always with me. Please keep me daily, Lord, in your perfect peace.
Amen
~Peanut
"Men for the sake of getting a living forget to live."
-Margaret Fuller
Dear Lord,
I need you now because I am full of stress and anxiety. Reading your Word brings comfort, as I ask you to come and take my heavy burdens. I take each burden, one by one, and lay them at your feet. Please carry them for me so that I don't have to. Replace them with your humble and gentle yoke so that I will find rest for my soul today. I receive your gift of peace of mind and heart. Thank you that I can lie down tonight in peace and sleep. I know that you, Lord, will keep me safe. I am not afraid because you are always with me. Please keep me daily, Lord, in your perfect peace.
Amen
~Peanut
"Men for the sake of getting a living forget to live."
-Margaret Fuller
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Adam's Story
Please keep in mind…I started this on Sunday when we were about to get hit with the storm that knocked our power out…
I met Adam in August/September of 2007. We were both in the RCIA program at our church. During class, we never really talked much. Actually, I don't think we really started talking until closer to the end of the class in about February of 2008. Neither of us had been baptized, and we were two of 11people that would be fully received into the church at the Easter Vigil in 2008.
As the Easter Vigil rolled near, Adam and I started to talk a little bit more. It never really got to be much more than ‘Hi, how are you today’, and ‘ok, talk to you soon’. We were more acquaintances than anything at that point. Then, the day of the Vigil was really when our friendship was firmly rooted. The 11 of us that would be baptized were given brown garments to wear over our clothes. Mine was huge, and his was a little bit small. I walked up to him and asked if he wanted to switch, so we did. After that, he sort of confessed to me that he was very nervous about going through with the baptism. I said “Adam, no one will look down on you if you’re not ready. You have right up until the time you get into that baptismal font to decide if it’s what you really want. If you’re not ready, don’t do it. And don’t feel ashamed either.” He said ‘thanks’ and we went out to get everything started. Everything started outside, by the fire with our candles…then inside the church. You should have seen the church all lit up just by candle light. It was just gorgeous. By the time we were ready to do the baptisms, I kept my eye on Adam as best I could. He was right behind me in line. When I got out, I turned so I could watch and see if he went through with it. I was so happy when I saw that he did! (I’m getting goose bumps and teary eyed just typing this!!!)
We 11 were all dismissed to change into our dry clothes and our c
lean white garments for Confirmation, and our First Holy Eucharist. The whole night was just amazing! It’s something I will NEVER forget… At the end of the Vigil, I found Adam and gave him a big hug and said “I’m so proud of you!!! How did it feel?” To which he replied “Thanks, it was the most incredible feeling I’ve ever felt!” That was when I realized that he was someone special…not just to me, but to everyone. His spirit, attitude, outlook on life, it was just incredible.
Fast forward a little bit…to around June or July of 2008. Adam and I had talked a little bit off and on, but not a whole lot since the vigil. Michael and I were sitting in church, and when they got to the intercessions,
Adam was pretty surprised to see me there, but he was grateful that I had come to see him. He had just had surgery to remove two ribs, and the muscle around them. At that point he told me that it was ‘muscle cancer’. I had never heard of it. When I got to my car, I sat there for a few minutes and cried. I couldn’t understand why such a horrible disease could be happening to another great person! Since I had never really heard of muscle cancer, I started doing some research when I got home. I wasn’t having much luck, but then again, I didn’t really know what I was looking for. They told him that they were pretty sure that they had gotten everything with the surgery, but if it came back, there wouldn’t be much time left for him as it was a very aggressive form of cancer.
A lot of the dates are pretty fuzzy because I had been using the calendar in my old phone…which wound up in pieces in my car…and I didn’t put everything on my calendar.
August 7th, 2008 there was an RCIA dinner for all candidates and catechumens from the prior year. Everyone was hoping Adam would make it there, and I even offered to give him a ride. Well, he declined my offer, but he was there! It was so good to see him. He was again in good spirits. Only a few of the candidates came to this dinner, even though there were about 25 people in our class. We went around the room talking about our favorite thing so far that summer. I honestly don’t remember all of what it was that I said other than visiting Adam, but I remember his. He said that having people visit him while he was in the hospital was a great part of his summer. Seeing all those people really made him feel good.
By that time, the RCIA program was about to start up again, and Adam and I were both sponsors. I was giving him rides to class, and it really gave us a chance to get to know each other better. I asked him about his girlfriend, and how things were going at home. He always was so happy to talk about these things. His girlfriend had gotten into
I’ll never forget this day…I have the text messages still saved in my phone. November 19, 2008. I got this message from Adam: “I’m really scared I’m not going to make it through all of this.” I was crushed. I responded with this: “Oh, adam :-( plz don’t b scared. Have faith itll all happen how its sposed 2. I really dont know what I can say to help except that only God knows for sure.” (Pardon the abbreviations, texts are very character limited). Every time I see that or think about it, I get a little teary again. I commend him for his honesty…and I’m so grateful that he opened his heart to me during his struggle.
Many times it was hard to know if he would be having a good day or a bad day. There was another RCIA dinner on December 16th. We were both there, and everyone was happy to see him again. As per usual, he was in great spirits! I think that’s what helped his family through this also. I can’t imagine going through it the way they did, but I know that his positive attitude had to have helped some. At some point, he had to be ‘bubble boy’ as he called it. Meaning he had to avoid public places for the most part and large crowds. Again, through all of this, he always had such a great attitude!
I don’t remember exactly when it was that I asked Adam to read at the wedding. He just grinned from ear to ear and said “Really? I would love to.” He was so happy and so excited to do it…nervous, but very excited. After a couple of weeks, while we were at RCIA, I showed him which reading he would be doing – 1 Corinthians 12:31-13:8A. For those of you who don’t know that passage, it’s the “Love is patient, love is kind…” I copied it down for him, along with another Bible passage about strength, just for him. One day, he came to class and told me “I got a brand new suit just for your wedding” with a big smile on his face.
Prior to his last chemo treatment in mid-late April, he called me. Ok, let me just say, Adam didn’t usually call me, he usually just sent me a text message…so needless to say, I was a little worried. We talked for a few and he mentioned that his previous chemo treatment left him as a ‘bubble boy’ for a couple of weeks. Since his last treatment was from 4/23-4/25, he was worried that if he had to be a bubble boy again, it would cut too close to the wedding, or over lap it. Well, I told him to just stay positive and to keep me posted. A couple of weeks went by, and on May 4th, I asked how he was feeling and how likely it was that he would make it to the wedding. He said “I have neutropenic fever so I gotta be a bubble boy”. I said ok, just to focus on his health and getting better, and I made arrangements to have another reader at the wedding. He was so excited, and was so looking forward to it! I was bummed for HIM!!! All I wanted was for him to feel better.
I went to the hospital to see him May 14th. I sat with him for a little while though he wasn’t very coherent. I talked to him some, telling him not to be afraid, that he’s loved, and that so many people were praying for him. On my way out, I saw his mom, sister, brother and dad. She told me how much he cherished our friendship, and that he was really looking forward to reading…and I said “I really wish he could be there” and cried. I left a comment on his facebook page later that day saying “Adam…you are in so many of our prayers. Be strong. There is a plan for you. It was good to see you today, even if you are in the hospital, it’s still good to see you. You will be missed for sure on Saturday, and you’re first on the list for the prayers of the faithful. You may not be there physically, but I know you will be there in spirit. I pray that you will get better SOON. <3” Adam’s health took a turn for the worst on May 15, 2009. He was placed on a ventilator, and the doctors said that the cancer had spread to his brain.
The wedding day all went by so fast, and Adam was missed for sure! But I knew he was there. On May 17th, I got another email late that evening, letting all of us know that Adam was called home to God. I was very sad, but I had a strange peace about the whole situation. He was not suffering anymore, he was no longer in pain, and he was comfortable, at peace. I pointed to my email with Michael sitting next to me, tears in my eyes. He didn’t quite know what to do. I knew I wouldn’t be home for the funeral which crushed me too. We would be on our honeymoon…
A few weeks later, I talked to his mom again and I found out that Kasia went to visit him in the hospital, and left the corsage that she wore during her reading with Adam. He wore it until he passed Sunday afternoon.
I will miss him for a very long time. His spirits, his great attitude, and his wonderful outlook on life…I’ll miss it all. He is still much loved, and I personally pray for him still. I think about him a lot, wondering how he is, who he’s with, and what he’s doing, which brings me to the next part of this story…
Late last week, I had a dream. I was with Adam’s sister, in front of a large white house. It was a 2 story house, 4 windows on the top floor, 2 windows and huge French doors on the lower floor. There was also a small bench in front of the house; the wooden kind, with wrought iron armrests and legs. I sat on one end, and his sister sat on the other end to my left. After a few minutes past, I saw Adam walking towards us. I glanced at his sister, and she didn’t seem to notice him coming. I looked up at him and just mouthed “Wha? Wait…” He said “Don’t worry, you don’t need to say anything, no one else can see me”. Then he sat down between his sister and I and we carried on a conversation…based on thoughts. The only part about the conversation that stuck with me after I woke up was this… I asked “How are you doing?” and he said “I am fine.”
You’re loved Adam, and missed. I know now that you’re fine…
~Peanut
"People do not die for us immediately, but remain bathed in a sort of aura of life which bears no relation to true immortality but through which they continue to occupy our thoughts in the same way as when they were alive. It is as though they were traveling abroad."
-Marcel Proust
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