Loving Two
I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?
Then she is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you've never shared me before.
I hear you telling me in your own way, please love only me. And I hear myself telling you in mine, I can't, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.
You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.
But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying her as though I am betraying you.
But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.
More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.
But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.
I watch how she adores you as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you only differently.
And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you'll never share my love. There is enough of that for both of you. You each have your own supply.
I love you-both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.
Author Unknown
This one is written by a dear friend of mine. A fellow March Mama, who also now has a second little bundle of pure adorableness...
I always knew I would love my own child, but I didn't realize how much I would love that child until he was born. It amazed me how much love my heart could hold for such a small little person. I have heard many people say that they have no idea how it would be possible to love a second child just as much as they love their first. How can you possibly add more love to your life? I have never said that. I always knew I would love my second baby just as much, and that my heart would grow to hold more love. Instead, I was worried that I would somehow lose the some of the bond I have with my first baby. Jameson has been the light of my life for the past 1 1/2 years, and bringing another child into the picture meant less quality time with him. Less playing together, less cuddling, less love and kisses. I was afraid he would resent me for being constantly tied to a baby who is not himself.
I could not have been more wrong. I have made a conscious effort to spend time a lot of time with Jameson to make sure he knows that I love him just as much as before. And he shows me he loves me, too. He gives me a lot of kisses throughout the day (usually after he gives Evie a kiss) and is constantly trying to sit next to me or on my lap, or asking me to hold him, or just following me around. He's my little shadow, and I adore him for it.
Last night, after I fed Everly around midnight, Jay woke up crying. Instead of asking Sam to go comfort him, I felt compelled to go in there myself. I needed my baby. My first baby. I walked in and he immediately held his arms out for me. I picked him up, he laid his head on my shoulder and put his arms around me, and we cuddled. I stayed in there with him for probably a little longer than needed, because my heart was overflowing with love. As I sat there with Jameson draped over me, I hugged him as tight as I could, and I cried and thanked God for giving me these two amazing blessings who have changed my life forever. I could never ask for more.
I don't think I could say it any better than either of these have said it. Both of these writings get me choked up just thinking about my babies...I never knew I could love two little beings as much as I love them. I just hope I can help them see that as they grow older...
God bless...
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