Wednesday, May 26, 2010


Well, it's almost D-Day.  I can honestly say that I'm really not looking forward to it, and everyone knows that.  Every time I think about leaving my little girl for the entire day, I get choked up.  I can do it, I'm just not ready to.

When I was pregnant, I had 5 ultrasounds before the little bean made her grand entrance.  One was at 16 weeks.  During that ultrasound, we told the tech that we didn't want to know the sex of the baby.  When she got around to checking out the baby's belly, she went just a little too far, and we caught about a 60% shot of the area.  Obviously it wasn't enough to say one way or another, but I didn't see anything.  At the same time...I didn't see anything.  From that day on, I had a feeling that this little bean would be a girl, but I didn't want to get my hopes up, and I still wanted to be prepared either way.  This song has always been one of my favorites, and I often found myself trying to re-word it to be "In My Mother's Eyes".  Now that I have my little girl, it breaks me down whenever I hear it...

And...I just can't seem to get enough of Lady Antebellum's song, Need You Now.  I don't know what it is about this song, but it just doesn't get old...

Need You Now
Songwriters: Haywood, Dave; Kear, Josh; Kelley, Charles; Scott, Hillary

Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor
Reaching for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Woah, woah
Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now, I just need you now

Oh baby, I need you now

*sigh*...counting down...

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Had a Moment Today...

Today, I went with my future SIL to have alterations started on her wedding dress.  My daughter stayed home with my hubby and his brother.  I knew she would be needing to eat while I was gone, so I went over how to prepare a bottle for her with my husband.  I nursed her at 11, and then a short session (seriously...less than 5 minutes) again around 12:15 for two reasons: 1) To "top her off" for her nap, and 2) In hopes to hold her over until I got home.  Granted...she needs to start taking a bottle since I'm going back to work next week.  I figured it wouldn't be too huge of a deal since she's taken a few in the past. FSIL and I left around 1:15 for her 2:00 appointment.  When we were done there, we made another pitstop at JC Penney to pick up some photos, and headed home.  Over the course of about an hour or so, I had texted my hubby to see how Baby J was doing.  He said she was "Crying and kind of sleeping" (we're getting back to the fighting sleep thing...).  Then he said she was sleeping in his arms.  Good, at least she's sleeping!  We got home about 3:30, and he was trying to feed her the bottle...she was screaming.  I asked when she last ate and he said "she hasn't"  WHAT??? now, she's pretty much going on 4 1/2 hours of not really eating, and she hasn't really had a nap.  I pick her up from my hubby and head upstairs to the nursery.  She screamed the whole way, and even started coughing and gagging because she was getting so worked up.  I felt so bad.  I was finally able to calm her down and get her latched.  She ate like it had been forever.  In all honesty, it had been in comparison to her normal 2-hours-between-feedings-during-the-day schedule.

As I sat in the rocking chair, I started thinking, and started crying.  I have such a bad habit of taking things for granted, and I really need to stop.  It was then that I realized how blessed I really am, and how lucky I am to be able to give my daughter everything...EVERYTHING she needs.  All of her nutrition to grow comes from me, the roof over her pretty little head, the diapers on her adorable little butt, the clothes on her teeny little body, the socks on her perfect little feet...all of the love and care that she needs...  Yes, she gets most of that from her daddy as well, but I can give her everything.  I think that was the moment that it finally hit me exactly how real this whole thing is.  She's mine.  100%.  Forever.  To care for, love, and teach.  And I'm going to stop taking things for granted and enjoy every minute of it.

Now to just get her to take a bottle!  LOL

Sunday, May 16, 2010


One year ago today, May 16th 2009, I married my wonderful husband.  Thank you, Michael, for two of the best gifts a girl could ever ask for...the love of a great man...
and our beautiful baby girl!

 I love you honey!

Monday, May 10, 2010

Mother's Day, and a Lil J update

So, yesterday was Mother's Day!  Happy Mother's Day to all of the mommies out there!  My first Mother's Day was pretty good!  I got a card in the mail from one of my sisters, one of my best girlfriends, and my mom.  I loved them all!  They're still sitting on the table.  =)  Michael also got me a very sweet card and signed it from him and Julia.  Inside, there was a gift card for the little spa that opened up just down the street, and I CAN'T WAIT to use it!!!  They do manicures, pedicures, facials and massages!  Wahoo!  My mom also came over and spent most of the day here, and brought me some gorgeous flowers.  It was intended to be a "HELP ME WITH MY FUSSY BABY" visit, but Julia was wonderful the whole time.  Go figure!  I also got a T-shirt from my other sister that says "New Mom 2010".  It's really cute, and I wore it yesterday!  Michael and I got dinner from Panera, and later in the evening, he gave me a quick foot massage.  It was so nice...

And now for the update on Lil J...she is growing SO much!  I just can't get over it.  She was 5lbs 2oz and 18" at birth (even though I think 18" was pretty generous...), but when I took her to her 2 month appointment at 9 this morning, she was 9lbs 2oz, and 21 1/2" long!  I couldn't believe when the nurse said she was over 9lbs!  Sheesh...little piglet...LOL  Anyways.  Today she got her first round of vaccines.  I wasn't looking forward to her getting poked - yet again.  Granted, this wasn't a poke like the biliruben testing.  That was actually a little slice in her heel to draw blood.  This was "just" needles.  Well, she got 2 pokes in her left leg, and one in her right.  When the first needle went in, she screamed...the purple-faced-breath-holding scream.  I had to blow in her face a couple of times to get her to breathe again...poor thing...  When she was done getting the vaccines, the nurse let me use the room for a few minutes to nurse lil J.  It helped her calm down quite a bit more.  She fell asleep (one of the side effects) on the way home, and has been sleeping pretty much ever's now going on 5:00.  Poor baby...she keeps waking up whining every once in a while, and I feel so bad!  I'm just giving her lots of extra loving today.


Wednesday, May 5, 2010

8 down...

 3 1/2 to go.  Until I go back to work that is.  I'm torn between being excited, and being severely bummed out.  After the last couple of days, it will be a welcomed change. I've said before, the good WAY outweighs the bad, and I'm NOT ready to leave my little girl yet.

In classic "Stacy" style, I seem to have procrastinated myself into a bit of a pickle.  I had looked into a couple of day care centers, and even found one that I really liked.  When I visited that place, they had one slot open in the infant room.  However, when I called them the other day, they don't have any openings until the fall.  That's what I get for waiting until 3 weeks prior to needing a day care provider.  Whoops.  There have been a couple of other places that I've called recently, but the only one that has an available spot for an infant is $230/week, and probably isn't NEARLY as fun as the place I liked before!  It's an option though.

Recently, I found out that my brother-in-law is willing to watch Lil J for a while!  He'll do it for a super price (plus food *giggle*), and I'm much more comfortable having a family member watch her, rather than a complete stranger.  There is one place that has an opening in a couple of months, and I'm hoping I can figure out how to have the BIL watch her until that opening is available.  Oh...I should probably try on some of my old clothes to make sure they fit too!  I just can't believe that I'm already so close to going back to work.  It's going to be hard.

Lately, I've found myself getting rather frustrated during the day.  There are times that Julia will cry for (seemingly) no reason.  Now...I know that babies don't cry for no reason.  There is always SOMETHING that they want or need, it's just a matter of figuring out what it is.  Whether it's a clean diaper, to be burped, eat, or maybe just being held or bounced for a bit.  When I can't figure out what she needs, I sometimes find myself holding her in front of me, staring at her saying "I don't know what you need...I'm sorry" usually followed by tears of my own.  It's hard.  It hurts me to hear and see her cry...  Sometimes it makes me question whether or not I'm really cut out for this whole mommy thing.  Then, she smiles or giggles at me and it's all better.  Her little giggle is enough to heal even the worst broken heart-the most stressed out mind.

And as I finish up this little girl is calling for me!  =)