I'm not Supermom. This was a hard pill for me to swallow. I really want to be the mom that...gets everything done...can handle going places at the drop of a dime...has a clean house all the time. I want to play with my kids all the time and not get frustrated that they get clingy. They love and need me. That's all that I need to know but some days it's hard to remember that - like when they're both crying for 20 minutes or more and I can't for the LIFE of me get either of them to calm down, causing me to break down into tears with them.
Housework waits. A lot. I hardly have a chance to touch much of anything anymore. I get maybe an hour max of quiet time, and that's if Justin decides to nap when Julia does. Do you think I like to bust my bum trying to straighten up the house or anything of the like? Heck no. First thing on my list is usually crocheting...then a shower...then relaxing...then a nap. Many days, the shower gets put on the back burner and I just plop my rear end on the couch or in the chair with the TV on. About the only things that I've been able to relatively maintain is the diaper laundry and all of the crochet orders that I have waiting for me! Diaper laundry is maintained more so out of necessity than anything. We only have so many diapers for two kids...and when you think about it, two kids in diapers...that's a lot of pee and poo!
Leaving...rarely happens anymore. It is getting better. I can get both kids and myself out the door in about an hour. MAYBE 30 minutes if I've already packed a few things, Julia has already eaten breakfast, and Justin has already been fed.
The kids are so good...I really should remember to count my blessings. Michael and I actually had a night out last night, and left the kids with my mom and his cousin. Julia went to bed without fussing at all, and Justin was a little charmer as usual. Now...that doesn't mean that they slept well!!! LOL But the fact that we were finally able to get a night out together...ALONE...since I don't know when was wonderful
I just hate feeling like I can't do everything. I want to give my best, but that never...never feels like it's good enough. My to-do list grows daily, and the only times that I can get even remotely close to getting everything done on my daily list, requires me to have Julia under my feet while I'm cleaning bathrooms, doing dishes, washing diapers...you get the idea. *sigh* I guess it's just time for me to concede to the fact that I can't do everything...and to "Hang it on the Cross".
God Bless!!!
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