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Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Changes.

Wow...it's incredible how much your life changes when you have someone that depends on you 110%. Your life revolves around them - like it or not - whether you're ready or not. I never thought I could love anyone more than I love my husband, but I do. I would do anything for this little life...

On being a paranoid driver...

I don't think I've actually heard a song on the radio in the last 2 weeks, especially when I'm driving by myself. If I hear a cough, I focus in to make sure she's not choking. If she squeaks (which she does frequently...), I freak out thinking she can't breathe. Just last week actually, Michael and I were on our way to get our taxes done. Julia coughed and squeaked a couple of times, and Michael was like Superman getting into the back seat to check on her. I don't think I've ever seen him move so fast. Of course, she was fine...but still!

I am so aware of what other drivers are doing now too. Checking my mirrors a lot more frequently, making sure people behind me are slowing down or stopping fast enough. I watch intersections for as long as I can before going through them...I watch oncoming traffic to make sure that someone doesn't cross the center line towards me. Rarely do I feel "safe" anymore when driving with my little girl in the back seat.

On sleep deprivation...

Thankfully, we're not losing a TON of sleep yet. Julia eats every 2 hours during the day, and close to every 3 hours at night. Some nights, she will actually go right back to sleep after her feedings, and I'm the only one that loses out on about 3 hours of sleep each night. Michael has been wonderful. He'll get up with her if she starts to fuss after I've already fed her, but there are nights like last night, that she doesn't go back to sleep after her 3 am feeding. Those are the nights that I usually spend on the couch, and she sleeps with me. We are NOT making a habit of her snuggling with me on a regular basis though!

On my habits...

I can't even count how many times I have to remind myself to eat during the day. I'm trying to keep my calorie and fluid intake up so that she can eat, but it's really a challenge sometimes! Even getting a shower is a challenge too. I'm working on it though. It kind of blends in with the whole being paranoid thing. If I'm in the shower, and she's in her bassinet, I might not hear her if she starts to choke or something. *Sigh*

Either way...I wouldn't give it up. It's hard. It's stressful. It's trying. It's wonderful.

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