Sunday, June 9, 2013

The Vanishing Act

As I sit here listening to the two older kids play outside with daddy, Alaina making her little baby noises in the bouncy chair, and thinking about this article, I'm reminded about just how fast life can get away from us. I mean, where did the last four years of my life go? Heck, where did last week go? Before kids life was so carefree. So unpredictable. So...easy. Now, with two toddlers and an infant, it's hard to fathom doing much of anything outside of the house by myself. I'll be honest...I'm PETRIFIED to take all three kids out alone, but I'm darn near desperate enough to do it by now! Alaina is now 11 weeks old, and the only times I've been out with the three of them I was either with Michael, or with my sister. (I think I need to get over that fear...)

Anyways...back to the article. This lady is catching a lot of flack for writing this. I can only pray to God that her children truly did feel loved, and that her admitting this so publicly, won't ruin them for the rest of their lives. I can also say, like she said, there are probably thousands - if not millions - of women and men that secretly feel the same as her. I definitely have my days that I think " independence is totally gone...I wish I had it back", but in no way do I regret my children. Kudos to her for her honesty, but at the same time, maybe she should have stood her ground with her husband. Kids should never be a regret. Nor should anyone ever resent their babies for their own decisions. Just my $.02.

A fellow mama and blogging friend posted this blog post this morning, and it got me thinking too! She is really an amazing mama, and many of the things she mentioned really hit me. I've decided that I will try to do something similar to her post for my next birthday (33! EEK!). There are many moments that I want to document, so maybe I'll do a combination post of my lessons of the year, and moments to remember. I don't know yet. I really need to decide though, because I'm already four months into this birthday year, and I'm just now wanting to start! Yikes!

OK. Back to my original question: Where did the last four years of my life go?'s actually a pretty easy answer, but many of the moments are just a blur. All but, say, six to eight months of the last four years, I've spent pregnant, breastfeeding, and/or caring for one or all of my three beautiful babies. We got married in May of 2009, found out we were pregnant in July, and the end is history! It's amazing how fast life can pass you by if you don't stop and pay attention. I've had friendships crumble, new ones form, and some just kind of fizzled out while others stayed strong despite the distance. Since that first baby was born, we've welcomed two more, sold our house, bought a new home, and moved. The new house has so much potential, and many updates to be made, but with life moving as fast as it is, we'll just be finishing everything by the time we both hit 60! Haha!

I want so many things for my kids. I want them to have what Michael and I may not have had. To be able to participate in after school activities and have sleep overs.

To be in Girl Scouts (or Boy Scouts for Justin) longer than just a couple of years. I want them to feel drawn to God and the life He has cut out for them. I want them to be accepting of other people. Other faiths. Other situations that they may not understand.

I want them to have a two parent, non-divorced, loving home. I want them to find music, art, and reading fun. I want them to use their imaginations to their fullest abilities. Maybe not as much as Michael does (love you honey!), but more-so than I do. I don't want them to feel like they missed out on things like I have, to remember their childhood more than I do, to travel and explore the state, the country, the world.

I want them to be close to Michael and know that they're loved, appreciated, wanted, needed by ALL of their family. Not just us as their parents. I want them to know that they can come to us for anything, anytime, anywhere if they need to.

I don't want their lives to disappear from them the way mine did.

So to my babies...

Slow down.

Breathe deep.



Listen to  your life...

Remember everything.

I love you...

God bless,